Tribute Bulletin

Smoke Signals Continue

It has come to our attention through a number of patients at this institution that there have been numerous attempts to signal outsiders in the form of smoke signals from the laundry chimney. This form of underhanded treachery will not be tolerated and a notice to this effect was pinned to the Bulletin Board in the main community lounge room. Despite this step to stop such blatant defiance, the practice continues. In fact, the main laundry hand was overheard by one of our less deranged residents voicing a plea for more sheets and white gowns to burn in order to keep the smoke rising from the chimney. One of our clinicians noticed more branches appearing in the tree outside the laundry. This could only represent a devious scheme by laundry staff to veil their activities.

It must be impressed upon laundry staff that should this outrageous practice continue it will be halted by any means necessary. Should this strategy not prove successful in banning such behaviour, the chimney will be sawn off at the roof line and the gap filled with beeswax. A notice to this effect will be placed on the Bulletin Board next Tuesday. Residents not bound to their chairs will be free to pass this information on to their peers. It is regrettable that this matter is not open for discussion with any of our clinicians. However, the Professor of General Surgery has offered to make the appropriate instruments available should the notice be disregarded by staff or patients.

This recent photograph is evidence of an attempt to mask the smoke using an old antenna found in the yard.

It is indeed unfortunate that evidence of treachery has been found in the immediate area surrounding the Centre. The home-made flag is an obvious attempt to signal laundry staff within the Centre. We have not yet ascertained what code this represents but we do know that the cabin is not inhabited and so we must assume that others outside of the Centre are conspiring with laundry staff. If any villagers are found at the flagpole they will incur a heavy penalty for themselves and the entire settlement. Investigations are underway and will be reported back to this bulletin.

We see keen intelligence at work as our Professor of General Surgery contemplates this newest development.

Once it occurred to our Professor that villagers may be lurking in the areas surrounding the Centre it did not take her long to locate one and she was quick enough to capture an image of one as shown at left. Any person recognising the villager should contact the Professor as soon as possible. The Centre is more than equipped to handle a villager who has been accused of conspiracy.

There are plans afoot to involve some of the more compliant villagers in our movie so an unexpected fate may await some of the loin-clad folk wandering our grounds.

Compliance will be rewarded with an accelerated evolution.

The discovery this week by the Centre's Head Chef that his timber bed had gone missing provoked cloaked hysteria among professorial staff when their hurried meeting reached the conclusion that laundry staff were responsible. It became obvious that his bed had gone up in smoke and interrogations of laundry hands were not helpful, although it was noticed that they were going about their washing and folding with unusual and extreme diligence.

The whole episode led to the Professor of Psychiatry needing to take more stress leave, leaving the Professors of General Surgery and Tropical Medicine with the burden. Tropical Medicine spends more time in the air now and enough funds were discovered to purchase a helicopter to assist her to perform fast, random levitations to check on rising smoke. General Surgery, as can be seen at right, has been driven to more extreme measures in a hopeful attempt to frighten off any villagers who are encouraging such determined disobedience in laundry staff.

The Head Chef is in tears and at risk developing a persecution complex all because he feels this is payback for serving underdone potatoes last week. Altogether a most disturbing environment at present. General Surgery is contemplating making an appointment with Psychiatry when Psychiatry returns from stress leave

A new viewing station has almost been built on the grounds of the Centre and will house implements such as high-range catapults. It seems of little consequence to laundry staff that the rehabilitation of our inpatients is being retarded by their fanatical behaviour.

In a lucky escape the Professor of Tropical Medicine
was rescued by a passing tourist from contemplating
some permanent peace and quiet.

Tropical Medicine put the event down to
dehydration and after rehydrating with her
favourite Green Hills Whisky all looked rosy again.

She is seen here taking comfort in the
company of two of her friends.

Whilst on a happy note it is with much pleasure that we announce that we have decided to allow visits by close relatives of some of the inpatients. This practice was formerly frowned upon by the Professor of Psychiatry but while she is on stress leave our other two professors felt that it may be helpful to start up such visits again.

The effects of the present unrest amongst inpatients have been demonstrated both clinically and radiogically. Recent MRI results have also been unsatisfactory. Staff in Radiology are overworked and were overheard threatening laundry staff with excess radiation.

First degree relatives of a restrained inpatient arrive at the Centre and look quite excited at the prospect of contributing to our rehabilitation program.

At last our psychiatry professor returns to the fold with newfound serenity after her stress leave spent at Newfoundland. It was noticed that she is still quaffing antacids, and it has been rampantly questioned by the townsfolk whether this is a front for medication for obsessive-compulsive disorder. An interview by the local press was attempted after a leak was made regarding the ground-breaking treatment she is planning to trial on her patients. She was about to give the interview when, regrettably, she discovered her supply of antacids had run out and made a hurried exit mid sentence. However, an informative press release will be published on this website over the next few days. What we can tell you at this time is that the warning "Don't try this at home" will not apply to this treatment. Psychiatry once again has a firm grip on things following stress leave. When all three stars on her forehead light up she takes a break from consulting and spends recouperative time editing the Green Hills psychiatry journal.	Click here if you feel compelled to re-read the news page. If you use ICQ	Tropical Medicine tests the new ultrasound machine by pulsing her brain.
The strain begins to show as General Surgery is discovered sleepwalking in her night cap and snoring loudly.

The wombat breeding program has, regrettably, grown out of control and the Centre is being overrun with the little fuzzies. Even though General Surgery has dabbled in cloning, it is not thought she is responsible for the explosive growth of wombats. Psychiatry says the problem is driving her up the wall and has requested that a wombat donation program be discussed at the next meeting.

The Centre will no longer be utilising wombats as calming devices for inpatients as some of them have been cruelly mangled in this trial by overanxious inpatients, and it is costing staff more time in attending to inpatients' thigh wounds.

Psychiatry takes annual leave in a new environment. It has been her custom to take her annual leave in the grounds of the Centre but she decided on a complete change of scene this year.

A strong believer in mind over matter, Psychiatry takes time out in the snow forest equipped with her feather duster as protection from annoying wildlife. The snow leopard is hungry but appears confused as to his next move. The baby wombat, to which Psychiatry has become quite attached, balances on the beachball to avoid frostbite. Psychiatry is immersed in re-reading her psychiatric text book as she enjoys a drink of tropical juice on her long-awaited holiday.